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Parkinson's and Dating


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#21 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 23 March 2013 - 03:28 PM

Thanks, Christie for your kind words and humor! And Beau's Mom for your optimism -- I know your path hasn't been easy of late. And thanks for your thoughts, Roger. I'm not sure I'm all that courageous yet-- I can still "pass" as normal most of the time.

I have decided to approach the dating process somewhat like a treasure hunt. There are loads of clues that can send the adventurer down the wrong path but just one true map that will lead to the chest of gold. I just need to find the right map, follow the directions, and hope the treasure chest is still there and really filled with gold.

In the meantime, lots of adventures to be had along the way.... Onward!
The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#22 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 11:10 AM

I am beginning to wonder if my friends think I am truly desperate --

Sunday I had a lunch date with a homeless man. Or rather, I should say, Sunday I bought lunch for a homeless man.

"Nuff said.

Ugh.

(Looking on the bright side, he at least lives in his car...)
The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#23 Beau's Mom

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 12:04 PM

Dear One Winged Victory,

I used to work with newly recovering female addicts. My predecessor, Miss Vickye, had rules for starting a new relationship:

1) He has to have a job.
2) He has to have a car.
3) He has to have a place to live.
4) His place to live cannot be his car.

This was in Texas, where public transportation is spotty, things are far apart, and a car is important. I understand you aren't planning to start a relationship with this man. Your comment just reminded me of Miss Vickye's rules, which always make me smile. Female addicts generally set their sites pretty low! Love that you bought him lunch!
Dianne

I am not a human being trying to have a spiritual experience; I am a spiritual being having a (sometimes difficult) human experience.

#24 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 01:08 PM

Beau's Mom--

I love this advice! I will remind my friends that these are non-negotiables next time they try to set me up with someone! LOL!

It turns out that Mr Car is a musician who recently lost his apartment when the building caught on fire. So he is, I hope, temporarily homeless. But temporary or permanent, this situation raised not just red flags, but a big SOS!

So... Onward!





The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#25 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 05:44 PM

By the way--

Mr Sober called today. He said that he wasn't afraid of medical conditions and that if PD didn't bother me, it didn't bother him. If it bothered me later, we'd see how it was later.

That absolutely works for me!


The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#26 Luthersfaith

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Posted 25 March 2013 - 07:00 PM

When and how do you tell someone you are just getting to know about Parkinson's?

Advice?

Any and all thoughts welcome.


Be honest ...Tell the truth ...Because it is who you are ...True love is a commitment.
"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world." - Jesus (John 16:33)

#27 christie

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Posted 26 March 2013 - 09:29 AM

I also think, no, correction, i KNOW, that your beauty and your stunning smile -and NOT your slurring- is all that Mr Sober will remember from your first date !


Was i right, or was i right ? it's like i've gone psychic or something ! time to take my magic pill...LOL!
No more first dates for you Onewingedvictory ! Keep us posted on those butterflies...

-English is not my first language !

-Aged 39. Diagnosed at 35. On levodopa monotherapy (500mg daily).


#28 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 27 March 2013 - 11:08 AM

Christie, Can I borrow your crystal ball? I have other questions....

Mr Sober and I are doing an "art crawl" this Friday to tour local art galleries. Should be fun. Hopefully my new not-so-effective generic PD meds will hold so that I won't be reduced to doing the zombie shuffle by evening's end.... On the other hand, adrenaline does provide something of a buffer. Maybe I'll wear high heels and claim the problem is my footwear!

Thanks for all your support, Everyone! I'm feeling a bit like the Carrie Bradshaw of the ParkieWorld here.


The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#29 christie

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Posted 28 March 2013 - 09:41 AM

My crystal ball tells me this is going to be a great date ! Relax, enjoy your date, and forget about PD!

Your comment on "Sex and the City" (i so loved this series, btw...) reminded me of a-great-Woody Allen film "Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy"...One of the characters in this film, nurce Dulcy-who has vast experience on sexual issues-LOL!!- gives advice about men to Woody Allen's wife...
-It's like swimming...It's a measured stroke. And remember, here's the key. When the sperm count is low, they won't listen to reason. but when the sperm count is high, they'll do anything you want"...LOL!

For those who haven't seen this film, this is another funny scene from the movie -Maxwell, Woody Allen's best friend, who is a womanizing doctor-invites his nurce Dulcy to spend a weekend in the country with him ...The punch line "we don't need separate rooms" hahaha...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cgEDSTyE9A

Edited by christie, 28 March 2013 - 09:43 AM.

-English is not my first language !

-Aged 39. Diagnosed at 35. On levodopa monotherapy (500mg daily).


#30 Sean

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Posted 28 March 2013 - 04:32 PM

Hello, Ms. Victory,
I wish you nothing but the very best in life and hope that your new "relationship" status will bring to you the joy that's been missing.
When I first went on a date with the woman who is now my bride, I knew nothing of Parkinson's disease and certainly could never imagine that, one day, I would find myself meeting it face to face. I was 25 and had recently started my career as a freshly minted attorney when I began to notice a "twitch" in my left hand. It was so slight and I paid little attention to it and sloughed it off as "law school fatigue" and "having to grow up-itis" but it had my brain and associated central nervous system all in awhirl. A friend's wife invited me to dinner and I accepted, a bachelor never turns down a home cooked meal especially when that bachelor is a first-year associate in a large firm, and then informed me that several others would be there, as well. One of the other guests was a co-worker of my friend's wife. Seems that they attended nursing school together. I knew from the first time I saw her that we were destined to be together. It's too bad for me that she didn't see the same picture! But, I finally persuaded her to meet me for an hour in the park. She told me that I appeared a bit too nervous and shy around her and that she was attracted to happy and confident men and that I rarely smiled and always walked with hands in pockets. However, she would like to be a friend to me since we were both somewhat new to the city. As time passed, we began to be friends on a very regular basis and I think I began to wear her down until she finally agreed that maybe I wasn't so bad after all! One evening, we attended a concert of an artist we both adore and she asked me to put my arm around her and, when I tried, I found the pain unbearable and she noticed the whince on my face but said nothing. Instead, she placed my hand in hers and held on to me for the remainder of that evening. The next day, she came to my apartment, asked me to sit, looked me square in my Irish mug, and began to ask about the "twitch" in my hand and the pain in my arm/shoulder. I didn't know how to explain any of it to her. 3 years later, we began to talk about marriage. My twitch and shoulder pain continued but didn't seem to worsen so I did nothing about it and she was reluctant to ask about it because she knew I was uncomfortable discussing it.
We've been married now for almost 11 years and I've been taking PD meds for the past 6 of those years. My original diagnosis was Parkinsonism or essential tremor with a possibility of PD. The recent DatScan just confirmed the PD diagnosis. So sorry for the ramble, there is a point in here somewhere. Yes, after the DatScan results were learned, my wife told me that she wished she had known from the beginning about what/is to come so that she could have been a better source of comfort to me.
Your postings show you to be a lovely person and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you, too, will find someone who will hold you close and will be a source of joy and comfort to you.
All the best,
Sean

#31 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 29 March 2013 - 12:18 PM

Sean

What a touching story; thank you! I would love to find someone as understanding and supportive as your wife is to you. I hope you shared your post with her. Yours is a true love story. And a beautiful and optimistic way to start this soft spring Friday.

OWV
The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#32 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 29 March 2013 - 12:22 PM

Christie

I had completely forgotten about that particular Woody Allen movie until you posted it -- too funny!

I was beginning to think my dates were going along this line (from my favorite movie, "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"):



At least no one showed up with a trident -- yet!
The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#33 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 01 April 2013 - 10:03 PM

Sometimes I think that the whole concept of dating and re-coupling is vastly over-rated.

Perhaps there is more enjoyment of life and personal empowerment in being a crone or fairy godmother. Looking through books of myths and fairy tales, often some of the most powerful, interesting, and unpredictable figures are unmarried older women: the cailleach, Baba Yaga, hags, the Bakhtak, Lilith, and my favorite, from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass, the White Queen.

Perhaps this week I will work on believing six impossible things before breakfast, in the manner of the White Queen. The first will be that my PD disappeared overnight in my sleep. The second will be that everyone else's PD is instantly cured too. The third is that my breakfast is being served in my very own castle -- with a turret. And the fourth is that the cook is none other than my Prince Charming. And the rest? Well, a girl's gotta have some secrets....


The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#34 christie

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Posted 02 April 2013 - 03:08 PM

OWV, how was your date? ?

i am sorry to say i got rid of my crystal ball before finding out about your date: this stupid thing told me i may develop parkinson's in less than 10 years...yeah, right ! LOL!

-English is not my first language !

-Aged 39. Diagnosed at 35. On levodopa monotherapy (500mg daily).


#35 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 02:44 AM

Mr Sober (who actually does drink wine occasionally so I will re-name him Mr Nice) was a lovely date last week. We had an amusing dinner, a pleasant walk to look at some good and some atrocious art, a rousing far-ranging conversation, and then he drove me to my car and off to our respective homes we went. He was a perfect gentlemen. Later last weekend he sent me a sweet, "thinking of you," email. All very easy and pleasant.

We see each other again this Saturday. He is making dinner.

Where this is headed, I haven't a clue. One thing that was a good sign: I had a particularly bad day at work today (I think my building is cursed by some sort of demonic energy which takes possession of the weaker members of my staff from time to time and causes them to walk zombie-like through a red door to ... well, you can easily imagine... later to emerge to do the most outrageous things) and Mr Nice not only listened to my complaints, but also offered some helpful solutions, and, most importantly, sympathized with genuine concern as to how the stress must be adversely affecting my PD. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Christie, is the crystal ball store still in business? Because I could use one at work....

Edited by OneWingedVictory, 03 April 2013 - 03:24 AM.

The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#36 Island Woman

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Posted 03 April 2013 - 08:15 AM

OWV, sounds like some progress and maybe you passed the frog stage. :razz:

Patricia

#37 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 05 April 2013 - 03:38 PM

Fortunately, I have not had the experience of dealing with truly inept suitors* (fingers crossed), but I stumbled across this and found it quite amusing. (Warning: Some non-PG language used.)

It's been an exceptionally stressful week at work, my PD meds haven't been as effective as they should be, and I am fighting off something (cold? virus?), so I am feeling not at my best going into the weekend. I am hopeful that dinner with Mr Nice on Saturday will be low-key and relaxing. I'll let you know!

*Actually, come to think of it, I have! How quickly we (I) forget....


Edited by OneWingedVictory, 05 April 2013 - 03:42 PM.

The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#38 TrudiN

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Posted 07 April 2013 - 08:20 AM

I'll try to give a similar experience from when I first met my husband. We went on a first date to Pizza Hut, and we were having a great time talking. As he got out his wallet to pay the bill, I saw he had a card in there saying something like "I'm not drunk - I have diabetes" and so I commented on it - hey, not a bad card to have - how can I get one? He confirmed he had juvenile diabetes, and we talked a little about it. I had no idea what it was or what it meant.

So as soon as I got to work the next day (I worked for an insurance company, so we had medical books in the office - this was before the Internet and the resultant ability to Google anything and everything), I looked up juvenile diabetes in the Merck Manual. Well, after reading about twenty tiny-type pages on this diagnosis, it looked like either he should be dead already at the age of 29, or he would die soon. That's what the Merck Manual does - it tells you the worst about everything! Well, I still thought he was pretty cute, so I figured I would meet him again and I quizzed him all about his diabetes - how long (age 8), how did it affect him, and so on. I was interested in him, so I set out to learn everything I could about juvenile diabetes. And so I was the one who convinced him to start using a glucometer to test his blood sugar, and several years later I was the one who bugged him enough to get on a pump instead of four shots a day. I was his support crew, and always will be.

Now that I have YOPD (diagnosed four months ago after 2-3 years of symptoms), he is my support crew. I do the research and then read it aloud to him (he has no choice...), and I fill him in on everything I can find - exercise, different meds, and so on, and he acts as my sounding board for different things. He sees my symptoms as an outside observer, which is helpful, as I think my face and neck are terrible with cervical dystonia, and he will be able to tell me if that's true or not - I can't see my face but he can.

Bottom line to the segue to this thread - I responded very positively to my date's medical condition, but it's going to depend on the person as to whether they're interested in your PD or not. There's no hard and fast rule. I have always been interested in medical things, so I found it interesting to learn about diabetes. If you're freaked by medical stuff, then I'm pretty sure you're there won't be a second date. He was nonchalant about explaining his "I'm not drunk" card, and it was a good roundabout way of introducing the subject, whether he meant to or not.

And in two months we will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, still each other's strongest support crew.

#39 OneWingedVictory

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Posted 08 April 2013 - 09:40 PM

Trudi, thank you for sharing your love story! How beautiful that you found each other and continue to refresh your bond over the years. Congratulations on your twenty years! (And welcome to our Parky club.)

So, drum roll please----

How was my Saturday night dinner date with Mr. Nice? Read on to find out:

To recap: Mr. Nice invited me to his house on Saturday for a relaxing evening featuring a home-cooked meal and a movie.

I arrived on time. (I even surprised myself with that as getting organized on the weekends requires a lot of effort -- I try to take it easy on weekends so I can refill my Parkie tank for the week ahead.). Mr. Nice had prepared a wonderful meal, I met his dogs (I love dogs!), and we had a nice relaxing conversation. But, and this is where I feel bad, I just couldn't get into the groove of the date.

Part of the problem (all of the problem?) was that I was so distracted by my own PD! I could not get one arm and one leg to stop vibrating. It was awful. I had taken my meds on an empty stomach before the date so I was quite sure the food had not interfered with absorption of the meds. And I didn't want to take anything extra over concern that I would end up even worse off with all sorts of dyskinesias. So there I was: paying more attention to my hand than to the conversation! Dreadful!

Mr. Nice knows about the PD, did some independent research on it, and even joked with me about it. I did tell him that I was having an unusually symptomatic evening and that it was driving me batty. He was very calm about the whole thing. I ended up going home not long after dinner (we had planned on watching a movie after the meal), because I could not sit still and I did not want him to see me become a great big quaking, quivering mess. Not this early in the relationship, anyway.

Will I see Mr. Nice again? I hope so. Saturday certainly merits a do-over on my part.

Assuming I see him again, it would appear that I have passed through the frog stage and am now in the part of the fairy tale where the prince engages in a quest to liberate the damsel in distress (me) from the evil spell (PD?).

What perils await the prince next?

The One Winged Victory of Samothrace is a metaphor for our struggles, despite the odds, to keep steady and accept grace in the face of punishing adversity.

#40 Beau's Mom

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Posted 09 April 2013 - 08:31 AM

OWV, sometimes stress (even good stress) lessens the effectiveness of my Sinemet. There is more pressure going to a guy's home for dinner and a movie than meeting in a public place. Maybe that's all that it was. Please don't beat yourself up. It sounds like your guy took it in stride and, if he's like any other recovering alcoholic I know, he was nervous, too. His body just hasn't lost dopamine; maybe he was shaking on the inside. Might even be a conversation starter the next time you talk.
Dianne

I am not a human being trying to have a spiritual experience; I am a spiritual being having a (sometimes difficult) human experience.




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