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Personality changes


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#21 Beau's Mom

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 09:24 AM

I have dealt with the issue of sexual addiction of two spouses who never had PD. There are 12 Step programs available for those with compulsive sexual behavior as well as for their spouses. I'd be glad to answer any questions you have if you want to send me a private message.
Dianne

I am not a human being trying to have a spiritual experience; I am a spiritual being having a (sometimes difficult) human experience.

#22 cwbee

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 12:18 PM

thank you, i may take you up on that

#23 johnnys

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Posted 06 June 2013 - 02:37 PM

Hi,
Twenty years ago I was having emotional problems.I found Recovery inc. to help me and have stayed with it since.What was said here sounds like alot of temper(fear and anger).In Recovery Inc. we learn to identify and stay away from temper as it is very toxic to our nervous system and relationships.We will never be free of temper but we can get rid of our temper habits.My favorite ones where procrastiation,and most importanly avoiding things I feared and hated to do.

Angry temper is easily recognized with outerenviroment.people won't do what we want is a example.Fearful temper is against ourseles. fear of making mistakes or self distrust

Ive had Parkinson for about three years now and it is a challenge.I do mornings that I awaken and are irratable.Centra sleep apnea relating to parknison is probably the culprit.

I havn't had much of a problem with my nerves since Parkinson came.I do stay away from temper,wish my family did also.Domestic temper is very common today,unfortualy it also is often ignored and causes alot of suffering.Why society won't deal with it is beyond me.

There is a good book from Dr. Abraham Low,peace over Power in the family.While this deals basicily with temper it has saved my marriage many times.It gives you enormous insight into "domestic temper"

We can't get rid of this disease yet but we can learn to live with it calmly.
best
john

#24 thedaveman000

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Posted 08 December 2013 - 03:15 PM

Coach, if she refuses, the only thing you can do is get support for yourself. My husband has adamantly refused to deal with his unwillingness to touch me, care for me, share with me, learn about PD and face his fears about it. Now I live in an adult family home and choose not to see him because it is too stressful. I've had lots of support incoming to this decision. You can lead a horse to water...Now is the time to make decisions based on what is best for you.


Dianne,
i know this is an old topic/post but had to say something. I feel so bad that your husband has done (or lack of doing) all those things. I know like others here, just how hard PD is to live with. My tremors are to the point now that if i'm sitting on the couch my wife will sit on the floor so she can be more comfortable. It's a mental game with me cause i prefer to sit with my wife. It seems like our intamacy is fading slowly. Anyway, my point is that I understand and am here as a friend for you.

#25 Preacherlady

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Posted 10 January 2014 - 11:07 PM

I know it's been awhile since people have written on this topic, but it really applies to me. My PWP was diagnosed in 2006 but probably had symptoms since 2000. In addition, he is an undiagnosed OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), not severe to be life sucking, but enough to be annoying. Oh, did I say that he's 18 years older than I am? So some of his demands have the effect of triggering some of my old "father" issues. The outbursts of temper, swearing, throwing things, slamming doors, dropping pans -- all that just sets me off because my dad did those things, and they usually made me feel responsible for something wrong I had done. So my PWP/husband, when he's open and empathetic, knows he does these things and it twists my insides and I shrink back in the corner. But when he's frustrated, tired, or his meds aren't working, he doesn't remember these things.

 

For several years he has coped with the disease very well, essentially staying on top of his exercise and meds. His OCD came in handy then -- it kept him on track. I essentially wasn't his caregiver because he didn't need one. But since August or September of 2013 he has gone downhill fast. But you see, his doctor and staff believe he's still the positive-thinking, high-functioning PD he has been since he started there. And when he goes to the doctor he overcompensates somehow so they don't get the real picture. He always behaves better there than at home. I guess that's typical.

 

Anyway, and sorry to be so long, I haven't been able to help him much over the last few years as I had several things wrong with my spine, and I have fibromyalgia. My PWP was more my caregiver than the other way around. I finally had back surgery last October, and it has helped me very much. So the timing has worked out that since my surgery, he has needed more and more care. Since I couldn't do it, we have a health aide who comes here every weekday morning from 6-8. Just last week PWP asked if she could come also in the afternoon. So she's begun to come from 2:30 to 5:30 in the afternoons. The result is that he has someone to talk to, and he has the aide's full-time attention -- something I can't do because of all the other things I have to do. So I'm glad we tried this. He does seem to be doing better.

 

I feel thankful every day that we have the resources to provide this outside care for him. The aide is pretty special, too.

 

Our neighbors have been such a good help to us, as well as some of our friends. We are blessed. Doesn't make me feel any better about the direction we are going, but they help out when I can't cope at that moment. I'm new to this forum. Hope it helps me. The local Carer support group has some people in it who dominate the sessions, so I don't get too much help there. Hope I can help you.



#26 Beau's Mom

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Posted 10 January 2014 - 11:42 PM

Welcome, Preacherlady. An quick update on me. I am now living independently with 120 hours of caregiving/month. It takes 99% of my money to just get by, but I am in charge of my care. Just after I wrote that post in May I had an episode of depression and while I was in the hospital my husband left the state without telling me where he was for months.  We are now divorced and the funds that are 50% of our assets will be set up in a safe trust administered by my sister, which will give me a little financial breathing room. My husband finally admitted that he began to distance himself from me about two years before my diagnosis when he got a Yorkie pup very similar to the one that was his only consolation in his previous marriage. Once I found it really was about him and not about me, I could move forward and let go.

 

Nothing except looking forward can heal the pain of those three years when he wouldn't touch me, talk to me, or care for me. That, and going back to the wounds of childhood and healing them by accepting that what my parents, grandfathers and uncles did to me said more about them than it did about me. If your spouse reminds you of your dad, you might have some unfinished business from childhood that you could deal with in therapy. We often grow up and marry one parent and become the other.

 

I sincerely hope you find the support you need. You are always lovable no matter how your spouse acts (or anyone else for that matter). 


Dianne

I am not a human being trying to have a spiritual experience; I am a spiritual being having a (sometimes difficult) human experience.

#27 Preacherlady

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Posted 11 January 2014 - 09:38 AM

Beau's Mom, Thanks for your kind and wise words.I really appreciate them. I have the support of several friends, and the people in my church. Also our neighbors are a great help in helping with some of our needs.






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