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Personality changes

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#161 VOW


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Posted 31 October 2015 - 07:35 PM

In my relationship with my husband, I don't find the PD changes to be so much "personality changes" but rather as "personality amplifications."  It's like the cute, little, aggravating traits he's exhibited in all our years together are not so cute, rather quite large, and and extremely irritating at times.


For instance: he's always been somewhat of a story-teller.  When he goes to explain something, he's often got to give the history along with the explanation.  OHGAWD, this bugs the shit out of me!  He repeats something that is already determined, and acts like he's trying to sell me on a completely new idea sometimes.  I'll get impatient and say, "Look, just cut to the chase.  How much is it gonna cost me?"


If I interrupt his story-telling, he loses his place and often has to start all over again.


There was a HUGE argument yesterday.  I asked him who was on the phone.  He had to start out with, "In the Beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and it was good..."  He got mad because I got mad.  It was a lovely explosion.


I am trying to learn how to keep my temper.  I know this will only get worse.  I really, truly need to put more effort into it, because he isn't going to change his ways.  That's just reality.


He gets more argumentative when he's tired.  If he doesn't get his afternoon nap, or the nap is interrupted, oh, there will be Hell to pay...




Married 41 yrs to spouse with PD
who also has Seizure Disorder


#162 genden69


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Posted 31 October 2015 - 10:24 PM

With my husband, my head tells me to ignore, remain calm, and move forward. How does one do this when there is so much emotion and history connected to a long time relationship? Certain things push my buttons. I know I should remain calm and patient, turn my head the other way and bite my lip, not let myself be baited into an argument. Professional caregivers are free to ignore and move on because it is no more than a caregiver-patient relationship. Two social workers have told me that I have to accept his behavior and what he says as part of the disease. My head knows this, but it is more, much more than a patient-caregiver relationship and it is hard, very hard. I wish I didn't get a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach so often.
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#163 Quietstill


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Posted 01 November 2015 - 07:30 AM

Sigh.  Vow, you said a very important thing.  It's an amplification of the annoying little traits.  I am trying to be better on this myself.  After one such exchange that had my insides trying to crawl up my throat I went for a long walk.  What helped was the realization he is still the same man, just oddly blurred.  I thought about it, and I think he loses track of complex sequences so easily that fear makes him start at the beginning and go through the entire verse.  That way he knows where he is going, and knows he can get to the pertinent bit of information he is trying to convey.  It was startling when I saw that interrupting the process made him have to start over.


I find occasional gentle narratives throughout the chapter and verse can shorten the sequence.   For example "oh, that's right, we took the screen to the hardware store to get it fixed, and we saw Sue in the parking lot,"  he can now speed up a little and follow his reasoning path to get to the point.  In that example it could be a call from the Vet (one of our cats injured her pad by clawing the screen) or a call from Sue as we had talked about getting together after not seeing her for a long time.


I think it is like thoughts and information are on a train.  Previously, stops that aren't relevant didn't need to be acknowledged.  Now, as the train becomes harder to navigate and keep in sequence, if the individual stops aren't enumerated, DH can lose track of where his thought process is going.  Does that make sense?  Is that at all helpful?  If you have any tips, please share as this is really hard.

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#164 coacht


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Posted 01 November 2015 - 07:48 PM

I have said that if my DW had a tendency before it is magnified a hundred times in some instances. I just bite my lip a lot. Sometimes she is so clueless and goofy and other times she is with it. It is what it is and nothing I do will change it, I just have to change how I react, and boy is that hard.


Coach T

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