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Telling a 'new' romantic interest...

YOPD sharing new partner hiding burden parkinsons

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#1 Sleep_Paralysis

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 01:30 AM

The title may be misleading. Some background:

 

I am quite young. You could say just enough that a diagnoses would not fall under 'juvi PD'. That's about as much as I'd like to share about my age.

 

I suspect I have parkinsons. My father has it.

 

Family doctor is concenred, blood test + CAT scan done (no results shared yet)  sleep study, neuroligist apointment upcoming probablly in a few weeks time.

 

I won't worry anyone with my list of symptoms, as many of you I'm sure are familiar with them. Suffice to say my movment has become very stiff, and negotiating anything with my left hand is becoming  increasingly difficult.. I can barley keep anything down, and my balance has suffered to the point I have almost fallen a number of times, usually however due to carelessness. ( I guess I did list some symptoms huh?)

 

I know many of you will say "Dude, you don't even know if you have PD" but lets assume that I probablly do, where to go from here?

 

I'm sorry about the long post... I'm just unsure of what to do.

 

Thanks,

 

SP


Edited by Sleep_Paralysis, 19 November 2013 - 10:19 PM.


#2 PatriotM

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 06:08 AM

I certainly wouldn't tell her anything until you have SOMETHING to tell her. Although I'm new to PD, I've done a lot of reading and I haven't read anywhere that vomiting (barely able to keep anything down) is an early symptom of PD. Why mess up everybody's lives when you don't know what, if anything, you have?

#3 christie

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 07:27 AM

First, do not leave her. you can still make her happy, either way (with PD, without PD or whatever). Be spontaneous, you could share your worries with her if you want to,  but you don't have to tell her about PD, simply because you don't know yet if you have it. IF and when you know more, you will re-evaluate your options.

 

 

 

 

I am quite young. You could say just enough that a diagnoses would not fall under 'juvi PD'. That's about as much as I'd like to share about my age.

 

 

 If you are under 18, you should remember that none of the members of this forum is a neurologist (except for Dr Okun who is a Movement disorder specialist) we are all just patients with PD and related disorders, and many of the views/opinions/information presented here may be false. Only your doctors  can provide valid information on your condition.


Edited by christie, 19 November 2013 - 07:29 AM.

-English is not my first language !

-Aged 39. Diagnosed at 35. On levodopa monotherapy (500mg daily).


#4 Daven

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 07:49 AM

I would refrain from saying anything.  If she notices something is up, tell her your seeing the doctor about it but nothing conclusive has been determined.  As it stands right now you don't have PD and I would go about life that way. You'll have more than enough time to sort things out.  Why are you trying to blow things up when nothing is for sure?  I agree with Patriot, I have not read anything that not being able to keep anything down is an early symptom.  You may have something else going on.

 

Just go out and have some fun and enjoy her company.

 

Dave



#5 Sleep_Paralysis

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 09:38 AM

To clear up the issue of not being able to keep anything down:
I dint mean i was vomitting. I meant i have no apetite sorry for the confusion
Although i am expeiencing nasuea especially if i eat acids

Will update you guys with any developments. Thanks for all the suppourt so far : )


Edited by Sleep_Paralysis, 19 November 2013 - 10:19 PM.


#6 metfan31

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 10:43 AM

Just to add another perspective on telling vs not...

Any relationship that is going to last over time needs to be built on trust and honesty. Tell her when you are ready, but don't leave out any details, esp the fact that no one has diagnosed you.

Have you considered that you might be witnessing some of what your Dad has gone through and have some level of sympathy pain/symptoms? Have you talked to your dad yet and gotten his opinion? The keeping things down either lost apetite, nausia, or vomiting, no matter which you mean is not usually tied to PD unless you are on a PD med that has that as a side effect. I stiffness can be anything. The balance issues are not common early on in PD, although I know of a few PWP here who had it early on so it is not impossible. Remember PD has some genetic links but having a parent with PD only slightly increases the likelyhood you have it, as many people on her don't have blood family with PD as do, and those links can be environmetal as well. See a Neurologist if the tests come back suggesting things other than PD are not going on. Those tests won't Dx PD.

If you really like this girl and want her to be happy you need to trust her with all your baggage when the time is right for relationship reasons not health reasons.

Good Luck

Richard

Edited by metfan31, 19 November 2013 - 10:44 AM.


#7 someone

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 04:14 PM

hi - i hope this is helpful.  do what you think is best.  only you know which of your options is right for YOU.  

 

i personally have limited disclosure to a very close set of friends, professionals who need to know, and my wife.  my kids, mom, dad, and others don't know.  Why was this right for me?  Because I see no upside in telling this extended community.... not good for them... and the attention it will cause is not good for me.  I don't want pity.  I don't want a ton of questions.

 

But you should do what is right for you.  This is a very personal decision.

 

I echo the counsel to remember that a) you don't KNOW anything yet - you only suspect, and you're not a doctor, and B) many of the things you outlined seem inconsistent with a YOPD diagnosis to me (but remember I'm not a doctor either).

 

Good luck.  hope all goes well.  

 

p.s.  if you tell her, and you guys draw closer, that is important insight about your potential future; conversely, if you tell her, and you guys drift apart, that is ALSO important insight.  you'll know what to do.  good luck.



#8 Kristakj78

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 06:59 PM

I have just recently been through this.  I received a PD dx just over a year ago, but have had minor symptoms for years.  I re-assessed my marriage in the past year (we were never really happy), and the PD dx definitely helped me realize I deserve to be treated better.  Point is, PD has for sure made me nervous...in more ways then one.  The thought of having to "break the news" to people I date, or if they will notice the symptoms, combined with the anxiety of wondering and worrying their reactions when they find out.  My take has been that most people don't really care.  Everyone I've told has made comments like, "oh wow, PD....that's a relief, I was worried u were going to tell me you were dying or a stripper, lol."  It's a struggle, but not a death sentence.  Ive been just as nervous breaking the news, but it doesn't seem to be all that bad.



#9 Sleep_Paralysis

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 07:31 PM

Thanks for all the suppourt everyone.

 

So the earliest Neurologist apointment is on April 28th. At the rate I'm deteriorating I don't think I'll be able to play it totally cool untill then. I called and left a message to be put on the cancellation list. The latest symptom to rear its head is the flat affect or 'masked' face of Parkinsons. I think the most noticeable symptom for me is Cognitive Decline... I'm forgetting things left right and center... I'm having a very hard time studying and retaining anything. I feel very stupid. My shuffling walk is become more noticeable also, along with more pronounced tremors in the fingers.
 

 

Sorry for the venting! Still staying positive untill I figure this whole thing out.

 

SP



#10 chelle

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Posted 19 November 2013 - 08:29 PM

I know most people won't agree with me. However I would tell her. I would galk to her about it and the possibility of u having it. I really wish I knew hour age because the things u want in life change quite a bit between 20 & 30. I'm 31 but my 20's were spent discovering who I am and my wants in life. Plus I'm a strong believer in don't delay the inevitable. If she loves u she will understand. I'm not saying she would stay but I would tell her that I wanted to be honest and understand if u are not up for tbis journey. U can even explain that u don't want her to feel obligated. If she choses to stay up until the time u guys would get married she ahould know she has an out. If she can't handel it or simply choses not to. That's her right to decide if she is up for the journey or not. I hope it all works out the way its meant to.

Chelle

#11 Sleep_Paralysis

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 01:16 AM

*Mod can you please delete this thread, it is no longer necessary :mrgreen:



#12 metfan31

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 07:55 AM

SP this is the unmoderated section of the forum. I hope this means you told her and all went well. Anyway, the tread may be useful to someone else who may come along feeling the same as you. So please don't delete it, as I believe you are the only one who can (I think).

#13 Beau's Mom

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 12:41 PM

Where is One Winged Victory when we need her? Sleep-Paralysis, look up her former posts on romantic involvement and PD if you want to read an authentic, humorous, insightful saga.


Dianne

I am not a human being trying to have a spiritual experience; I am a spiritual being having a (sometimes difficult) human experience.

#14 Mihai

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 03:12 PM

Hey friend,

 

I agree with others here....be honest.  Don't assume...  Here's my two cents....I got my PD diagnosis prior to marriage (at age 33).  My wife knew what I had and she married me anyway....we have been married for 11 years and have two kids....life is good and I couldn't be happier!

 

Peace,

Mihai (Michael)


Diagnosed in 2001 at 33 years of age

#15 Sleep_Paralysis

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Posted 23 November 2013 - 07:44 PM

I think I've managed to push her away with secrecy. Gut tells me to tell. Trying to find the right time.



#16 Beau's Mom

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Posted 24 November 2013 - 09:02 AM

When my spouse is not talking about something obvious that affects us both, I usually increase questions and urge him to talk. If that is unsuccessful, I generally walk away. Neither is particularly effective as a means of maintaining connection. If you wish to maintain connection or increase it, simply say what's true.


Dianne

I am not a human being trying to have a spiritual experience; I am a spiritual being having a (sometimes difficult) human experience.

#17 Annikin

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Posted 27 November 2013 - 09:14 PM

SP-

 

I am curious ( and apologize if I am overstepping my bounds) Your ID suggests a specific and often terrifying  sleep disorder- do you suffer from sleep paralysis?







Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: YOPD, sharing, new partner, hiding, burden, parkinsons

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