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coacht

Personality changes

164 posts in this topic

Hello all,

I was just thinking about this the last few days and it has been touched on her before. What personality changes have you noticed in you PWP?

 

Mine,

Even more impulsive,

poorer judgement,

less empathy, in a nhmber of ways, has empathy for people outside the family,

When something is obviously done wrong, then sorry for self versus the person she did it for.

can't be wrong even when it is obvious,

doesn't care what the house looks like,

can walk over clothes lying on the floor,

irrational when having discussions,

doesn't listen,

fixates on things,

etc

 

Much of this was present before, but has been magnified greatly.

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For me too, much of the behaviour was present, but has been magnified enormously and rigid thinking has made rational discussion impossible.

 

Gets upset if I have any needs at all - treats it as competition

Does not notice cause/effect of his behaviour - eg drags the 11 wk old puppy up the stairs on a leash choking her and blames the puppy

Assumes every comment is a criticism - eg if I add a dish to the dishwasher after he has put it on he sulks

Very volatile

Very demanding

Snores at night and denies he does so, or accuses me of doing so (I had to move into another room several months ago due to sleep deprivation)

Avoids decisions

Has no empathy for me his spouse, only has empathy for specific people

 

Fully agree coacht - with When something is obviously done wrong, then sorry for self versus the person he did it for.

Fully agree with coacht - can't be wrong even when it is obvious,

Fully agree with coacht - irrational when having discussions, [i do not have discussions any more - there is no point.]

Fully agree coacht -doesn't listen, [or puts own spin on what he hears]

Fully agree coacht - fixates on things,

 

My biggest challenge is that there does not seem to be a way to communicate these behaviours to the Neurologist as we are both present when we go to the doctor.

I think that my husband needs medication to calm him, as the behaviours are so stressful to live with.

My husband would refuse to have any phychological sessions, so it is impossible to bring the subject up at all.

After 2 years of living with these extreme behaviours I would really like to know how other carers have found help!

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Glad you brought up about putting a dish in the dishwasher. She gets mad if I do the dishes, it seems to be an insult to her ability to do things. Never mind that the dishes she washes are still dirty, never mind you can't see the kitchen counter, never mind the bugs. She will physically stand between me and the sink so I can't clean. Most wives would love to have a husband do the dishes.

 

Another thing, she is constantly "organizing" since theproblem is we are disorganized versus just not doing what needs to be done. I can't find anything and she does 't remember where she put something.

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In my experience, the stress and reality of dealing with any chronic illness tends to amplify whatever personality traits an individual has, negative or positive. I've known people with lupus, fibromyalgia, MS, and chronic pain from injuries and in each case dealing with the reality of incurable illness and diminished physical abilities brought out both the good and the bad of who they already were.

 

If your PWP exhibited the traits you mention before developing Parkinson's, it may be part of their core personality rather than a symptom of the disease.

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Yes, it is part of his core personality. However, the reality is that the balance has tipped over onto the sociopathic side only, with little sign any more of the sensible and nice person that used to part of the personality.

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Age 48, first noticed symptoms in 2001 with anxiety first then the tremors.

 

Also, neuropsychologists talk about Parkinson's personalities. People that have Parkinson's tend to show certain personality traits. This may be what shows up when different percentages of dopamine are present. Who knows what symptoms show up at 10, 20, 40, or 60% percent loss. Physical symptoms show up at approximately 80% loss of dopamine.

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Stress or being in a hurry makes decision-making hard from my husband who was diagnosed with PD in 2005. He retired on disability a year ago so we have fewer of those stressed or rushed situations now. We try to postpone or slow down rather than push-through those times. Sometimes works. Sometimes doesn't. What I've learned is not to try to reason or discuss things when he's in that situation but try to give him space and quiet. Easier to type that here than to put into practice though. I think the non-motor side of PD is the hardest and doesn't get enough attention.

 

Not sure these questions are helpful but here are some of my thoughts as I have pondered these posts over the last day or two:

  • Can you make an appointment with the MDS and go alone?
  • My husband's MDS gave us the name of a counselor that works with PD patients and others with serious illnesses. Would that be an option and you could go alone? Might not change your PWP but might give you some ideas for dealing with the difficulties.
  • If you are like me, I avoid the articles and numbers on the incidence of dementia in PD like the plague. Could that be a factor and which doctor will best be able to help you figure out if that is part of what is causing the problems? For difficult topics, sometimes a primary care doctor is an easier place to start than the MDS.
  • Could you go to a PD Caregivers support group? I know a woman that found the group so useful (was a number of years ago), that she continues to go even though her husband has passed away. I think she might help facilitate the group.
  • Does your PWP make a list of most bothersome symptoms and questions before doctor's visits? Can you work on it together and work in some of the issues you have identified?

 

Again, I'm not sure my questions will provide any food for thought. I do know the help and support from others on these forums is always terrific.

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Stress or being in a hurry makes decision-making hard from my husband who was diagnosed with PD in 2005. He retired on disability a year ago so we have fewer of those stressed or rushed situations now. We try to postpone or slow down rather than push-through those times. Sometimes works. Sometimes doesn't. What I've learned is not to try to reason or discuss things when he's in that situation but try to give him space and quiet. Easier to type that here than to put into practice though. I think the non-motor side of PD is the hardest and doesn't get enough attention.

 

Not sure these questions are helpful but here are some of my thoughts as I have pondered these posts over the last day or two:

  • Can you make an appointment with the MDS and go alone?
  • My husband's MDS gave us the name of a counselor that works with PD patients and others with serious illnesses. Would that be an option and you could go alone? Might not change your PWP but might give you some ideas for dealing with the difficulties.
  • If you are like me, I avoid the articles and numbers on the incidence of dementia in PD like the plague. Could that be a factor and which doctor will best be able to help you figure out if that is part of what is causing the problems? For difficult topics, sometimes a primary care doctor is an easier place to start than the MDS.
  • Could you go to a PD Caregivers support group? I know a woman that found the group so useful (was a number of years ago), that she continues to go even though her husband has passed away. I think she might help facilitate the group.
  • Does your PWP make a list of most bothersome symptoms and questions before doctor's visits? Can you work on it together and work in some of the issues you have identified?

Again, I'm not sure my questions will provide any food for thought. I do know the help and support from others on these forums is always terrific.

 

I can't talk to them alone as she has to filter everything I say, including positive things.

I have tried to go to groups, but they usually meet during work.

The Neurologist said he just works with the physical symptoms so no help there. She also sounds believeable if you don't know the background.

She won't listen to me, as I said she doesn't have empathy, can't be wrong, just wants to see the positive and lets the negative build.

She is so mixed up and memory is bad on Artane, but she won't admit it.

It is like dealing with a willful child, only there isn't hope of improvement.

going to try counseling again, but not a lot of hope, several different ones and always the same result.

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My experiences are the same as coacht.

My husband can be totally charming and lucid at the Neurologist, (who does not assess the mental changes at all), so the extreme experiences that I have look would sound like gross exaggerations - and I cannot discuss them with my husband present.

I too experience the wilful child continually - illogical, disrespectful and selfish- in fact I was with a 3 year old boy the other day and it felt like I was with my husband!

I have been in therapy myself due to the stress - but there it gets packaged as a relationship matter, and the consequence of unassessed mental changes in my husband are discounted. My husband has made it clear he will never attend a therapy/counselling session.

In the past 6 months I am noticing some short term forgetfullness and that he is very careful to write lists and he will rigidly only buy what is on his list.

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I think seeing a neuropsychologist is the key--a psychologist who specializes in treating people with PD. I know that in my case, I had underlying "old" issues from as far back as childhood that had made me mildly dysfunctional all my life. Dealing with those helped me tremendously as the PD progressed. When I lost the ability to stop and think before I said anything mean or angry, I spewed out years of stuffed emotions that really had nothing to do with the present. Neuropsychologists can be found at most Parkinson's Centers of Excellence. Lacking that access, you might ask your neurologist for a referral to a Clinical Social Worker who specializes in Parkinson's Disease. And, you can always call the NPF Hotline for a referral to a clinical in your area who can help.

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I told her I would like her to see a neuropsychologist and she refuses. I know she would refuse a social worker also. She doesn't think there is anything wrong with her so she doesn't need to see someone according to her. It is a good suggestion and would be very helpful for most situations.

 

Coach T

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Coach, if she refuses, the only thing you can do is get support for yourself. My husband has adamantly refused to deal with his unwillingness to touch me, care for me, share with me, learn about PD and face his fears about it. Now I live in an adult family home and choose not to see him because it is too stressful. I've had lots of support incoming to this decision. You can lead a horse to water...Now is the time to make decisions based on what is best for you.

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how do spouses deal with sexual impulse issues? Disovered my husband of many years has been frequenting massage parlors for 2 yrs or more. Took him off Ropinerole x 2 weeks now, he says 50% drug and 50 % him. He was angry after i caught him lying about how long he was doing this. Seems to take little responsibility . Scared to death he will repeat. Im now a policeman. Hate this disease!

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cwbee,

 

From what I have read and others have told me, getting off the agonists will cut the extreme urge for porn. I am not saying it will go away completely or these things wouldn't exist. It should help immensely getting off of it. Hope things do better for you with him off of it. the doctor at mayo said that the impulses are for things that satisfy, so sex must satisfy him. Different things for different people.

Coach T

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thank you for responding. we have an active sex life so go figure, he still went to the massage parlor. Anyone else out there with this issue? how did they work thru this? I think it involves men with PD more than women. feels pretty isolating.....

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I have dealt with the issue of sexual addiction of two spouses who never had PD. There are 12 Step programs available for those with compulsive sexual behavior as well as for their spouses. I'd be glad to answer any questions you have if you want to send me a private message.

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Hi,

Twenty years ago I was having emotional problems.I found Recovery inc. to help me and have stayed with it since.What was said here sounds like alot of temper(fear and anger).In Recovery Inc. we learn to identify and stay away from temper as it is very toxic to our nervous system and relationships.We will never be free of temper but we can get rid of our temper habits.My favorite ones where procrastiation,and most importanly avoiding things I feared and hated to do.

 

Angry temper is easily recognized with outerenviroment.people won't do what we want is a example.Fearful temper is against ourseles. fear of making mistakes or self distrust

 

Ive had Parkinson for about three years now and it is a challenge.I do mornings that I awaken and are irratable.Centra sleep apnea relating to parknison is probably the culprit.

 

I havn't had much of a problem with my nerves since Parkinson came.I do stay away from temper,wish my family did also.Domestic temper is very common today,unfortualy it also is often ignored and causes alot of suffering.Why society won't deal with it is beyond me.

 

There is a good book from Dr. Abraham Low,peace over Power in the family.While this deals basicily with temper it has saved my marriage many times.It gives you enormous insight into "domestic temper"

 

We can't get rid of this disease yet but we can learn to live with it calmly.

best

john

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Coach, if she refuses, the only thing you can do is get support for yourself. My husband has adamantly refused to deal with his unwillingness to touch me, care for me, share with me, learn about PD and face his fears about it. Now I live in an adult family home and choose not to see him because it is too stressful. I've had lots of support incoming to this decision. You can lead a horse to water...Now is the time to make decisions based on what is best for you.

Dianne,

i know this is an old topic/post but had to say something. I feel so bad that your husband has done (or lack of doing) all those things. I know like others here, just how hard PD is to live with. My tremors are to the point now that if i'm sitting on the couch my wife will sit on the floor so she can be more comfortable. It's a mental game with me cause i prefer to sit with my wife. It seems like our intamacy is fading slowly. Anyway, my point is that I understand and am here as a friend for you.

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I know it's been awhile since people have written on this topic, but it really applies to me. My PWP was diagnosed in 2006 but probably had symptoms since 2000. In addition, he is an undiagnosed OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), not severe to be life sucking, but enough to be annoying. Oh, did I say that he's 18 years older than I am? So some of his demands have the effect of triggering some of my old "father" issues. The outbursts of temper, swearing, throwing things, slamming doors, dropping pans -- all that just sets me off because my dad did those things, and they usually made me feel responsible for something wrong I had done. So my PWP/husband, when he's open and empathetic, knows he does these things and it twists my insides and I shrink back in the corner. But when he's frustrated, tired, or his meds aren't working, he doesn't remember these things.

 

For several years he has coped with the disease very well, essentially staying on top of his exercise and meds. His OCD came in handy then -- it kept him on track. I essentially wasn't his caregiver because he didn't need one. But since August or September of 2013 he has gone downhill fast. But you see, his doctor and staff believe he's still the positive-thinking, high-functioning PD he has been since he started there. And when he goes to the doctor he overcompensates somehow so they don't get the real picture. He always behaves better there than at home. I guess that's typical.

 

Anyway, and sorry to be so long, I haven't been able to help him much over the last few years as I had several things wrong with my spine, and I have fibromyalgia. My PWP was more my caregiver than the other way around. I finally had back surgery last October, and it has helped me very much. So the timing has worked out that since my surgery, he has needed more and more care. Since I couldn't do it, we have a health aide who comes here every weekday morning from 6-8. Just last week PWP asked if she could come also in the afternoon. So she's begun to come from 2:30 to 5:30 in the afternoons. The result is that he has someone to talk to, and he has the aide's full-time attention -- something I can't do because of all the other things I have to do. So I'm glad we tried this. He does seem to be doing better.

 

I feel thankful every day that we have the resources to provide this outside care for him. The aide is pretty special, too.

 

Our neighbors have been such a good help to us, as well as some of our friends. We are blessed. Doesn't make me feel any better about the direction we are going, but they help out when I can't cope at that moment. I'm new to this forum. Hope it helps me. The local Carer support group has some people in it who dominate the sessions, so I don't get too much help there. Hope I can help you.

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