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Dear Friends:  I know that this is a small thing, but I feel the need to gripe about it to somebody.  My knitting ability is fading fast, and it makes me so sad and frustrated!  I am trying very hard to get used to this PD thing, and the loss of myself, little by little, but this is the (new) last straw!  I am a happy knitter---or was,  and enjoyed making hats for the preschool children and kindergartners I volunteer with.  I love to make doll clothes for my granddaughter, the occasional sweater for a family member, baby blankets for the perinatal loss program at one of the bigger hospitals in our state.  But now I find I cannot keep the stitches on the needle.  Can not count the rows. Cannot make sense of the pattern.  I drop stitches, can't pick them up again, and end up starting little things over and over again.  Knitting was something that I could do with my hands while the rest of life was happening, and something that was appreciated by people who don't understand how easy it is.  But no more!  I have posted before about that feeling that my brain is leaking out and going away, and I follow the posts on this board to get insights from those of you who are more experienced with PD than I am.  But the KNITTING!  Is nothing to remain?  Am I going to sit in a chair and drool and not be able to do anything for anybody and how long before that happens, and how long does it last before I am no more?  In the great scheme of things, I know knitting is not all that important, but it seems as if there soon will be none of me left.

Thanks for letting me vent.  Has anyone else lost a hobby or skill that you once enjoyed, and how have you coped?    Swamper

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I had no patients for knitting, but admired people who knit sweaters and clothing. I used to crochet, but I cannot crochet anymore.  A doctor who was unfamiliar with PD operated on my hand and destroyed it, so crocheting is out the window.  I still grieve over it at times.    So I can relate to your frustration.

 

However, I have found fulfillment in trying other art forms.  It will sound funny, but I get river rocks and spray pain them with my good hand.   My first project was a small river garden in my back yard. I made with laying the rocks to look like  flowing water.   I placed small glass ducks by the river, a squirrel and put a couple of glass fish in with the blue painted rocks.  People enjoy walking back there when they come to visit.

 

I saw a photographic art display at he hospital by a man with PD.  He let his shaking blur the pictures and sold his photography for $100s. 

 

Try exploring with paints, color pencils, or even writing.  You have a way of ptting things that people relate too,  You wrote,  "while the rest of life was happening" and "my brain is leaking out"  these are very descriptive emotional expressions that carry great meaning.  I have a feeling you are a natural poet.  (poetry no longer has to rhym.)

 

You have much more to offer.  Please don't let the beauty of who you are disappear in your limitations.  We still see your worth.  I hope you will too.

 

Shirley

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I have been thinking that perhaps I might try to crochet a hood and neckwarmer for myself with a large hook and bulky yarn. I noticed crocheting was difficult about two years before my diagnosis. I thought that perhaps the Sinemet had loosened my hands a little over the past five years. Maybe I will try something small first. I'm on a budget. I won't waste money if I can't practice first. I'm glad you both shared about your experiences.

 

Dianne

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Dear Friends:  I know that this is a small thing, but I feel the need to gripe about it to somebody.

  Has anyone else lost a hobby or skill that you once enjoyed, and how have you coped?    Swamper

Ha-ha...yeah you lose every last hobby once enjoyed and skill you once thought you had.   Twenty years along on this 'amble-stumble' the secret of a measure of happiness for me has been constant, enduring thankfulness, remarked literally and earnestly felt  dozens of times a day to helpers who call or stop by.  And taking the occasional pot-shot at believers online. <--joke!  I used to enjoy wrenching on cars, Peterbilts and H-Ds.  Now being thankful to have owned so many and restoring one remaining tractor is something most can only dream of.  I lived it and find a way to be thankful for my good fortune of having done so. 

Edited by Rogerstar1
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i am so sorry !   losing things we love bit by bit is really horrible, and as i lose my things, i just get so sad.   things that brought us pleasure.......  then we watch them go.   i have several things i am slowly watching go.........and i hate it.       i hope there is a way to pick up some sort of knitting ( i know nothing about it ) by doing it slower, using a different type of needle, larger yarns etc.    you may not be the fast , amazing " clacker " you once were, but is a poky, different type of knitting that you can try ?    like i said, i know nothing about it, but maybe  some type you could still do.   good luck !      x lu

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i am sorry that you are having this trouble. i have trouble staying awake in the day. and i have trouble sleeping at night. so, i draw pictures at night, and i nap with my dachsund during the day. its confusing. i sort of am in a dream state all the time. i am old.. 76. yrs. old......i have nightmares tho, sometimes, those rem whatever where you are sort of awake...and i yell things, like Get out!! i hope the neighbors wont get me thrown out of the building. i no longer live in my sweet home in the woods. i don't drive. might fall asleep. that happened once. i don't want to kill anyone, so i live in the city near my son. life is different! my daughter sent me a message about a boxing class for folks with parkinson's. she cares. my son cares. so what that i live in a sleep state. some people have no bed, no dachsund, noone who calls and tells them about boxing. i am blessed. sometimes, i cry alot. i miss my husband, who left this earth plane 3 yrs ago. did n't expect to go on like this. good night!

Edited by shakti
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I'm not a knitter but for someone who is, this is a really big thing. Have you thought about an OT consult? My sister (she's not a knitter) but was really losing her ability to write things by hand. The OT really helped her with exercises that strengthened some of those muscles in her hands. I got her a number of "things" to help her practice her fine motor skills (Jacks, Pick-up Sticks, etc.). Might be worth a try. Her doctor changed some medicines for her (felt she was "undermedicated") and that has helped too. 

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Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful replies.  I think the idea of doing it more slowly, with bigger yarn and needles--and lower expectations--may be what I need to focus on, Lu.   And the idea of an OT consult is a good one---it is hard for me to put knitting in the same category as writing or eating, but that is a good thought, Golden.  Thank you for the kind words, Shirley---I have never thought I had much of a right brain---creativity was never my strong point, and that was before the PD set in.  As for crocheting, Beaus mom, you go for it!  I think people can either knit or crochet, but I don't know anyone who can do both well.  Rogerstar, your thankfulness jogs my conscience, as does your approach, Shakti, being grateful for what help we have and trying not to get lost in the things we are losing.  You have given me a lot to think about, while I consider what I might do with my idle (shaky) hands that could be productive.  What a wonderful group you all are! 

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Ha-ha...yeah you lose every last hobby once enjoyed and skill you once thought you had.   Twenty years along on this 'amble-stumble' the secret of a measure of happiness for me has been constant, enduring thankfulness, remarked literally and earnestly felt  dozens of times a day to helpers who call or stop by.  And taking the occasional pot-shot at believers online. <--joke!  I used to enjoy wrenching on cars, Peterbilts and H-Ds.  Now being thankful to have owned so many and restoring one remaining tractor is something most can only dream of.  I lived it and find a way to be thankful for my good fortune of having done so. 

Continuing....an interesting item from today's New York Times by Arthur C. Brooks is "Choose to be Grateful -  It will make you happier"  Gratitude crowds out melancholy, resentments and  even bad thoughts it seems to me.   Brooks explains why based on study, polling and some logic. Try being thankful and hateful at the same time...you can't.  Gee, Prof. Brooks piece deserves it own thread.  I'll start a new one and print it out there if I can figure out how this system works.

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Swamper, I'm sorry that I don't have anything to recommend.  Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and am sorry you are feeling so down. I wish I had a solution to offer.

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Thank you Peace, for that note.  I am feeling better today, and have tried some simple patterns with big needles and yarn, and with lower expectations, have done pretty well.  And there is indeed so much to be thankful for on this holiday.  I need to remember that, and not worry so much about the things I am losing.  I have been blessed with 69 good years, a wonderful husband, and three grown children who called to say Happy Thanksgiving today.  And our dog is recuperating from her run in with a car last week, and my bruises are healing after Monday's fall, and it is time to think about the Holidays and the grandchildren and some decorating and maybe some work in the garden.  Why should I not be happy?   Why indeed? 

Thanks again, to all of the good people in this forum who support each other in the face of PD.  And Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!!!

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Swamper..

 

I appreciate your post...it is raw honesty and speaks so much about how many of us feel. Strange you should bring up the subject as I was just going to try crocheting again, hoping it would improve fine motor skills. Larger hooks and bigger thread is a good suggestion.

 

Beau's Mom, Diane, once posted that PD is a process of grieving for those things lost..and I am learning she is correct. Diane is a good example of adapting as we move along....often people speak that their creativity increases with PD...let us know what you discover as you search for a new past time that is equally rewarding. Good luck to you...and keep posting!

 

NN

 

PS: have you ever tried Sinemet..or carba dopa l dopa ? Certainly helps my eye hand coordination.

Edited by New normal
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