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I am new to this site but really need some support.  I have a 38 year old daughter who was diagnosed in August.  She is married with two young children.  I am having the hardest time accepting she is ill.  Her father and I are divorced and I have slumped into a major depression.  I feel so alone with this. I am always sad. Being in my 60s, I would be so much happier if it was me and not her having to deal with this illness.  I am curious how other parents of young onset PD have handled this.  What hurts me even more is that she is such a good woman and has worked so hard in her life to do everything right. It is so hard to experience something like this with our children no matter what age they are.  I would appreciate any input.  Thank you.

Edited by Loving Parent
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EVERYONE has to deal with trials in their life.  You and your daughter are no exception.    I just came from the family of a woman in her 40's who went to the hospital because her sugar was high and died yesterday of pneumonia.  I know another person who went to the doctor not feeling well and died a month later of massive metastatic cancer.  She was also in her 40's.  Your daughter is alive and should be relatively healthy for years (decades) to come.  The news could have been MUCH WORSE!  Be thankful that it is only PD.

Your daughter needs a mother who will stand behind her - not one who is in a major depression and is adding to her stress.    My advice, seek medical help to fix your depression and be the mother that your daughter needs you to be.

I wish you and your daughter all the best!

 

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As a parent, it's has to be difficult. Your daughter has a manageable disease-her symptoms can be managed. Exercise is important- you can help her....exercise with her or help out with her kids so she can do it. 

PD isn't easy. It's a journey we didn't plan on taking but it's ours and it's not a choice. Life is different but it can still be great.  My relationships with my family are stronger now than before my PD. Michael J Fox said "family is not an important thing...it's everything."  That is so true. It's ok to be sad or mad but don't let that ruin today. Be present and you may find your daughter and you are closer now. 

 

peace-

LAD

Edited by LAD
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I guess I should have stated that my daughter has no idea I am struggling this way. That is why I am feeling so alone. I have been positive and upbeat on the outside for her, but I have been very depressed on the inside. I thank you for your comments and appreciate  the good suggestions. I am hoping in time I will become more accepting of this. Exercise is a huge part of her daily life so that is definitely something she will benefit from. Best to all! 

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1 hour ago, Loving Parent said:

I guess I should have stated that my daughter has no idea I am struggling this way. That is why I am feeling so alone. I have been positive and upbeat on the outside for her, but I have been very depressed on the inside. I thank you for your comments and appreciate  the good suggestions. I am hoping in time I will become more accepting of this. Exercise is a huge part of her daily life so that is definitely something she will benefit from. Best to all! 

Try a journal- it helps to write it down. You can express yourself but not feel like you are dumping it on anyone. 

you may Also want to post in the caretaker  forum...you are not her caretaker but you are helping her...

 

LAD

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First off let me just say that I don't know what you are going through since I am more in the position of your daughter than yourself.  However, I still want to offer my condolences, if that's even the right word.

 

That said, you mentioned your daughter is married.  Is her husband supportive, and caring?  I sure hope so, and if he is, then you should take comfort that she has a built in protector and caregiver.  That is no longer your role, but his, assuming he is up to the task.  Not that you can't lend support, or be there for her, but you are not the one with that as a primary responsibility.

 

You said your daughter is big into exercise.  I highly recommend you do the same for yourself.  Exercise is proven to help with depression and anxiety.

 

I will tell you that part of how my parents cope is by doing research (they're both PhD scientists), donating to Michael J Fox Foundation, and similar kinds of activities.  That and they ask how I'm doing but not all the time and they don't obsess over my PD.  It's there, and we talk about it, but they also respect my boundaries especially as it relates to my own kids (i.e. we don't discuss it around them - kind of like anything money related).  

 

I hope this all helps.  Do consider some professional help if you can't get past the sadness and depression quickly.

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Lots here to take in! I don't live in the same state as my daughter. My son in law is most supportive in her situation.... as least as much as I can tell. The problem here is we never ever talk about the illness. Since the day she called me with the diagnosis the subject has come up once. At the present time she is doing well. We all spent the holiday together. As far as exercise for me - I never miss an opportunity to hit the gym after work. I appreciate your input. I have good days and sad days. Eventually, I am hoping to not let this bother me in the manner it has. 

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Hang in there!

You are a wonderful mother.

God will not leave your family in this situation without solutions.

You might want to explore a little bit about an American quadriplegic woman Joni Eareckson Tada who became disabled at age 17 and has been in a wheelchair for 50 years. She overcame her initial depression and has been helping other people with disabilities. She is married and her husband is very supportive.

Take care.

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I appreciate your kind words. This has saddened me but I'll be ok! Some days I can't  stop thinking about it. I work full time and have a full life and this has stopped me in my tracks. But it's about being a mother and loving my child. It's hard to watch someone you love struggle.. you want to take it from them.  I most definitely  will read about Joni E. Tada!  Thank you! 

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Loving,

I was 35 when I was diagnosed, as I made the rounds telling parents and family my mother and I did not talk a lot about Parkinson's. Unfortunately I was diagnosis with PD just after my sister was given a diagnosis of MS. It wasn't until an opportunity to vacation with my mother did we really talk about Parkinson's and it effects on me. To my surprise she had been doing some research and reading up on the disease. She asked me what it was like. She wanted to understand what I was going through. I explained everything I could and I assured her that even though it is difficult and challenging that I am ok. I don't feel like a sick person.

I encourage you when the time is right to just sit and chat whit you daughter. Cry together if you need to, but I bet you will both feel better in the end.

Blessings

Adam

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14 hours ago, adams234 said:

Loving,

I was 35 when I was diagnosed, as I made the rounds telling parents and family my mother and I did not talk a lot about Parkinson's. Unfortunately I was diagnosis with PD just after my sister was given a diagnosis of MS. It wasn't until an opportunity to vacation with my mother did we really talk about Parkinson's and it effects on me. To my surprise she had been doing some research and reading up on the disease. She asked me what it was like. She wanted to understand what I was going through. I explained everything I could and I assured her that even though it is difficult and challenging that I am ok. I don't feel like a sick person.

I encourage you when the time is right to just sit and chat whit you daughter. Cry together if you need to, but I bet you will both feel better in the end.

Blessings

Adam

I have researched a lot as well!  I am making a visit to her in March and will spend time talking with her at that time.  I have known for the past 2 years that she most likely had PD but when the diagnosis came in August the reality hit me SO hard.  I have cried countless hours but I am also encouraged that there are things that can be done to stall the progression.  I know she has many good years left and that helps tremendously.  Kudos to your mom for researching and reading and addressing the topic being well informed.  All the best to you and your sister and I thank you for your input! 

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