Jump to content
helplinedonate
PD_guy_MN

PD Guy - Shot Thru The Heart

Recommended Posts

Bear with me while I tell you my story. My intent is not to seek pity but to gather a ideas to hopefully bring me a positive resolution.  Years ago, I due to an enlarged prostate, I began to experience the wrath of ED and threw in the towel regarding sex with my wife.  A few years later I was diagnosed with rather large meningioma brain tumor.  It was 10cm wide and roughly the size of a fist.  I wreaked havoc upon my family until I got an MRI of my skull.  Bills were not getting paid.  Tax returns weren't filed.  I was out in left field without a glove.  The tumor was removed during 12 hour operation.  I went thru PT, OT, and speech therapies.  I thought I came thru it pretty well. Other people thought the same. I worked a few temporary jobs over the next two years as an electrical engineer before I was diagnosed with PD.  I started the daily regimen of Sinemet and Mirapex.  The next few years went well and I continued to work 6 months past my retirement age of 66. My wife is 62 and I am 67.  During this time period I paid a visit to a urologist who supplied me with samples of Cialis.  I mentioned to my wife that a had samples of some ED pills.  To my surprise I got little to no response from her.  Later I found out that she is taking an antidepressant which may suppress your sex drive.  I mentioned this to her and she quite literally blew up.  "Why is it always me?  It's not that I don't want to have sex.  I just don't want to have sex with you.  I'm disappointed with the results of your neurosurgery."  I think it is her belief that I have cognitive defects.  She only gave one example: "You ask questions which require only one word to answer.  You have also aged significantly over the last few years."  I'm loosing my hair, I have droopy eyelids and a stone face from Parkinson's.  I was very upset for a couple days.  I'm past that point now and have climbed down off the ledge. My wife and I meet with the neurologist this week and I thought about asking for a referral, for just me, to someone who deals with married couple issues.  I've got thirty years invested in this woman and would be happy to rack up many more if she just wouldn't look at me as a mentally challenged leper.  Is this a lost cause?  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello PD Guy-

It sounds like you and your wife have been through a very long difficult period in your marriage and you are still together so, no, I don't think it's a lost cause.  I hope that your wife is willing to participate in marriage counseling with you but, if not, go without her.  Good luck and keep us posted.  Gardener

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey PD guy,

many guys tend to view their happiness by how sexually active they are with their wives. Whether they can please her, if she finds them to be attractive and desireable. It's sort of the burden women have to bear for marrying us...they agree to be the object of our desires. 

You'd probably benefit from counseling but make sure you go to someone you trust, if it's not working after two visits then switch. If you start a solo relationship with a therapist, your wife may not want to come later because she may feel that you will gang up on her with the therapist. Also, if she does come to a future visit, you may find that the therapist sides with your wife - and that may feel like a betrayal. 

Youve got a lot of health issues going on. I hope you are able to find some happiness. Start by telling your wife that you love her.

-S

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have Lewy Body Dementia and it among other things really ruins autonomic nervous system. One of many things regulated by autonomic system is erection and orgasm. I can achieve neither for at least two years now. Also, several of my LBD  drugs also cause same problems, so I get hit twice on that score. My wife as very upset at first and she said some less than thoughtful things to me. But after a little while, and after my neurologist talked with her, she  slowly calmed down. She even stopped trying to get me aroused, because it so totally pissed me off because it showed she didn't understand or at least apprciate that  hoenstly not being able to have sex was the least of my problmes with this disease. Things have moved along and gotten almost normal, but she is still quite sad and also drinking a little too much, but what the hell. Good luck to you because it isn't fun to lose that part of your life together, but that is the way it is sometimes. Oh, and she has been in therapy now for about a year because of all of this. The temper and behavior stuff from LBD truly prevents me from going into therapy, as I might literally punch out or injury the therapist due to being pissed off or upset or aggitated or anxiety problems. I just can't handle any stress or anything really at the current stage of my disease. I in CCRC now anyway, so that is changing too. 

Edited by BillBRNC

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Superdecooper said:

Hey PD guy,

many guys tend to view their happiness by how sexually active they are with their wives.

-S

 

I like with your first sentence.  But what I neglected to mention is that our relationship resembles that of two roommates.  She does not hug, kiss, or display affection towards me and  I'm reluctant to do so towards her.   Intimacy is non-existent and started that way right after the brain tumor operation.  She has since asked that I sleep in another room because I snore, and I believe her.  She has never left her bedroom to 'visit' me.  I'm sure if I paid her a 'visit' she would ask "Are you lost?".  Who knows, maybe a hug and I love you might start us off in the right direction.  I should try to force a smile from my stone face too.  It's always the small gestures that get the best results.

PD_guy_MN

Edited by PD_guy_MN
Typos

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, BillBRNC said:

 My wife as very upset at first and she said some less than thoughtful things to me.

Maybe you are already aware of several articles titled 'Sex, Intimacy, and PD' or 'Intimacy and PD'.  There is a lecture with a similar title.  They assign centuries old concepts the name Outercourse, which is for couples not able to engage in Intercourse.  Maybe your wife will take back the less than thoughtful things she said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just want to interject in this thread that you all (PD_guy_MN, Gardener, Superdecooper, & BillBRNC) sound like such wise, thoughtful, considerate men that I believe you will find solutions to these marital issues.  Sometimes marriages have to change shape. 

Best wishes,

J

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×