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PD_guy_MN

PD Guy - Shot Thru The Heart

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Bear with me while I tell you my story. My intent is not to seek pity but to gather a ideas to hopefully bring me a positive resolution.  Years ago, I due to an enlarged prostate, I began to experience the wrath of ED and threw in the towel regarding sex with my wife.  A few years later I was diagnosed with rather large meningioma brain tumor.  It was 10cm wide and roughly the size of a fist.  I wreaked havoc upon my family until I got an MRI of my skull.  Bills were not getting paid.  Tax returns weren't filed.  I was out in left field without a glove.  The tumor was removed during 12 hour operation.  I went thru PT, OT, and speech therapies.  I thought I came thru it pretty well. Other people thought the same. I worked a few temporary jobs over the next two years as an electrical engineer before I was diagnosed with PD.  I started the daily regimen of Sinemet and Mirapex.  The next few years went well and I continued to work 6 months past my retirement age of 66. My wife is 62 and I am 67.  During this time period I paid a visit to a urologist who supplied me with samples of Cialis.  I mentioned to my wife that a had samples of some ED pills.  To my surprise I got little to no response from her.  Later I found out that she is taking an antidepressant which may suppress your sex drive.  I mentioned this to her and she quite literally blew up.  "Why is it always me?  It's not that I don't want to have sex.  I just don't want to have sex with you.  I'm disappointed with the results of your neurosurgery."  I think it is her belief that I have cognitive defects.  She only gave one example: "You ask questions which require only one word to answer.  You have also aged significantly over the last few years."  I'm loosing my hair, I have droopy eyelids and a stone face from Parkinson's.  I was very upset for a couple days.  I'm past that point now and have climbed down off the ledge. My wife and I meet with the neurologist this week and I thought about asking for a referral, for just me, to someone who deals with married couple issues.  I've got thirty years invested in this woman and would be happy to rack up many more if she just wouldn't look at me as a mentally challenged leper.  Is this a lost cause?  

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Hello PD Guy-

It sounds like you and your wife have been through a very long difficult period in your marriage and you are still together so, no, I don't think it's a lost cause.  I hope that your wife is willing to participate in marriage counseling with you but, if not, go without her.  Good luck and keep us posted.  Gardener

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Hey PD guy,

many guys tend to view their happiness by how sexually active they are with their wives. Whether they can please her, if she finds them to be attractive and desireable. It's sort of the burden women have to bear for marrying us...they agree to be the object of our desires. 

You'd probably benefit from counseling but make sure you go to someone you trust, if it's not working after two visits then switch. If you start a solo relationship with a therapist, your wife may not want to come later because she may feel that you will gang up on her with the therapist. Also, if she does come to a future visit, you may find that the therapist sides with your wife - and that may feel like a betrayal. 

Youve got a lot of health issues going on. I hope you are able to find some happiness. Start by telling your wife that you love her.

-S

 

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I have Lewy Body Dementia and it among other things really ruins autonomic nervous system. One of many things regulated by autonomic system is erection and orgasm. I can achieve neither for at least two years now. Also, several of my LBD  drugs also cause same problems, so I get hit twice on that score. My wife as very upset at first and she said some less than thoughtful things to me. But after a little while, and after my neurologist talked with her, she  slowly calmed down. She even stopped trying to get me aroused, because it so totally pissed me off because it showed she didn't understand or at least apprciate that  hoenstly not being able to have sex was the least of my problmes with this disease. Things have moved along and gotten almost normal, but she is still quite sad and also drinking a little too much, but what the hell. Good luck to you because it isn't fun to lose that part of your life together, but that is the way it is sometimes. Oh, and she has been in therapy now for about a year because of all of this. The temper and behavior stuff from LBD truly prevents me from going into therapy, as I might literally punch out or injury the therapist due to being pissed off or upset or aggitated or anxiety problems. I just can't handle any stress or anything really at the current stage of my disease. I in CCRC now anyway, so that is changing too. 

Edited by BillBRNC

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14 hours ago, Superdecooper said:

Hey PD guy,

many guys tend to view their happiness by how sexually active they are with their wives.

-S

 

I like with your first sentence.  But what I neglected to mention is that our relationship resembles that of two roommates.  She does not hug, kiss, or display affection towards me and  I'm reluctant to do so towards her.   Intimacy is non-existent and started that way right after the brain tumor operation.  She has since asked that I sleep in another room because I snore, and I believe her.  She has never left her bedroom to 'visit' me.  I'm sure if I paid her a 'visit' she would ask "Are you lost?".  Who knows, maybe a hug and I love you might start us off in the right direction.  I should try to force a smile from my stone face too.  It's always the small gestures that get the best results.

PD_guy_MN

Edited by PD_guy_MN
Typos

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8 hours ago, BillBRNC said:

 My wife as very upset at first and she said some less than thoughtful things to me.

Maybe you are already aware of several articles titled 'Sex, Intimacy, and PD' or 'Intimacy and PD'.  There is a lecture with a similar title.  They assign centuries old concepts the name Outercourse, which is for couples not able to engage in Intercourse.  Maybe your wife will take back the less than thoughtful things she said.

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I just want to interject in this thread that you all (PD_guy_MN, Gardener, Superdecooper, & BillBRNC) sound like such wise, thoughtful, considerate men that I believe you will find solutions to these marital issues.  Sometimes marriages have to change shape. 

Best wishes,

J

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I am curious if any of you men with ED and PD ever seriously thought about penile implants? This is a serious question. My husband and I thought about it, and it might have helped for another year or two but he could not get himself to do it which since I had gotten BA for him, kind of bugged me. But it turned out just as well since my physical condition deteriorated to the point sex would have been very painful for me.

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Hi everyone.

I have not posted here in awhile.However I have some questions,could it be some wives of pwp are just too depressed and afraid to be intimate with us anymore?Because we are not who we used to be anymore,and not attractive to them like before we were diagnosed.So what do you do if your wife is too afraid to go to your neurologist's visit with you,or even the Therapist's office for counselling?

Edited by otolorin
Edited an error.

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Wow, this thread is getting really deep and personal. Yikes!

No McCall, I haven’t considered implants. But I would if my wife asked me to, or if my urologist thought it would help. I’m not sure how I would feel if later my wife had a health issue that made sex less appropriate. Probably upset, but life is like that with lots of twists and turns.

Otolorin, I think sex  counseling is a problem for people regardless of whether PD is involved. It’s just another of those hang ups that Americans face. Unfortunately we live in a puritanical society that uses sex to market products. Very confusing for most people. You can go to counseling yourself to get yourself straightened out, but at some point you might need your wife to come with you. Maybe your counseling will give you the courage and the words to say to make a difference with your wife. 

-S

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WOW!!! As if the physical aspects of PD aren't rough enough...my heart goes out to you guys. The only other thing I can say is if it was me, I would leave no stone unturned; I would do whatever it took to try to save my marriage.

Best of luck to you all.

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Will be seeing my urologist this week and will report back on the implants thing.  My google search for info appears to point out that after cialis or viagra, the next step is to try the "suction pump" before the ultimate -- surgical implants which carry their own set of risks.  For those with other conditions like BPH, ED may have been an issue before a PD diagnosis.

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On 9/25/2018 at 4:06 AM, Dancing Bear said:

Will be seeing my urologist this week and will report back on the implants thing.  My google search for info appears to point out that after cialis or viagra, the next step is to try the "suction pump" before the ultimate -- surgical implants which carry their own set of risks.  For those with other conditions like BPH, ED may have been an issue before a PD diagnosis.

Purely comments on the physical/medical side of things....urologist said implants last resort and insurance coverage will be based on failure of other incremental efforts first.  Cialis/Viagra in adequate dosages and then or in combination with pump appliance.  

PD brings larger intimacy issues and expectations to the forefront no  doubt as discussed above.  

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Reference “medical pump”. Got one issued with some training through urologist. Insurance doesn’t cover but can get reimbursement through an FSA account if you have one or RHA.  You want an FDA approved device/kit. Andro has one on Amazon for about 200.00.  

For me it was helpful and I think is a solution short of riskier implant surgery. It is all about blood flow.

Wife appreciates me trying solutions we would have laughed at years ago.....

 

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On 9/24/2018 at 3:09 PM, secret squirrel said:

WOW!!! As if the physical aspects of PD aren't rough enough...my heart goes out to you guys. The only other thing I can say is if it was me, I would leave no stone unturned; I would do whatever it took to try to save my marriage.

Best of luck to you all.

I have no wisdom here. I agree with SS......leave no stone unturned.

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